Author Archive

Author:
• Thursday, September 26th, 2013

Are we dead yet? I can never be too sure.

Stoled

As most of the Interweb is aware, Japan is animating Nisekoi. I have to wonder why I care. It is just another lame and predictable romantic comedy from the pages of Shonen Jump that I would never recommend to anyone; but try as I might, the sappy gooey mess that I hide beneath my armor of glamorous gun-wielding babes, and tank-riding schoolgirls tends to find the cracks in my defenses from which to ooze out of. What results is a person much comparable in likeness to myself, secretly downloading the mild-mannered obscenity that is Nisekoi… What can I say, it’s true.

hanami

I absolutely loved Naoshi Komi’s previous work Double Arts, which was cancelled far too early. I was hoping Nisekoi would be a worthy successor, an original idea that could compete against its predecessor in terms of potential. Instead I got a graham cracker and a marshmallow. All the fat lonely slobs of the world latched onto this bait with its promise of promiscuous bath scenes and immoral slip-ups, making Nisekoi Naoshi Komi’s longest and most successful work to date. Good for him.

I was not spared from this underhanded trap, and as much as I pretend to hate s’mores, I brought with me my stash of Hershey’s. The rest is history: this manga fried my brain. How else can I explain my unmistakable joy with each chapter, as vanilla stench takes form in black and white on my monitor screen. At any rate, now that I am fully invested in this series, and now that it has stolen my money… what could possibly go wrong?

They decide to animate it.

Nisekoi wasn’t a very well thought-out series, and I am sure even a seasoned fan can admit that aside from its cute assortment of girls, the story barely has any legging to work with. For eighty-seven chapters the only thread tying the characters together was the protagonist’s unreliable assortment of memories which seems to change details with every flashback. I am a proponent of structure, and really frown upon this style of “make shit up on the go” writing. But I like the mangaka and forgave him every time I felt the sharp sting of pain run across the right bridge of my neck whenever I chose to ignore some glaring flaw in his plot.

All of this is irrelevant because the anime has already been greenlit. I really believe they should have let the series run its course for another year before moving forward on an anime, but as my opinion has very little effect in swaying the powers that be, I did the gracious thing and stepped aside. Now I’m here to promote this shit, and hopefully at some point in the future, someone will buy the manga. Like I did.

Author:
• Tuesday, June 25th, 2013
You never go full retard!

You never go full retard!

I think ore no imouto ga konnani kawaii wake ga nai season 2 can be summed up with this picture. About a year and a half ago, Kyousuke gave two shits who was banging his little sister. Behold, after all those months of abuse and being forced to play h-games, he has officially been brainwashed.

But that’s okay. Because incest isn’t the overlying theme of this show… right?

Japan is not a versatile country. Either things are too subtle, or over the top. I’m still trying to discern which end of the spectrum this anime falls. Clearly the incestuous obsession Kyousuke portrays while fawning over his cute little sister is actually Japan’s way of subtly displaying close familial ties. If that wasn’t the case, why did I waste my weekend watching this crap?

In any case, I hate it when plots turn ambiguous. A-1 Pictures spent 276 minutes of my life looking for the next piece of the story, but only discovered more merchandising opportunities. Damn those clever snakes!

OreImo 2 might as well be a hot young blonde who refuses to show you her ID as you get cock-blocked by your pedophile pals. I’m sick of blue balls and Taco Bell; and anime is not helping.

Author:
• Friday, May 31st, 2013

Hataraku Maou-sama! is the best anime of 2013, as of now.

Whoops, wrong show.

Whoops, wrong show.

I, like many others, am a fan of Third Rock from the Sun, where aliens come to Earth and experience culture shock due to the strange customs and laws humans observe. Every episode stars our extraterrestrials entering conflict with another facet of humanity; whereby most of us would answer with common sense, they ascertain their status as higher life forms by tackling the issue with logic and generally end up in hilarious unfavorable situations. During the first episode of Hataraku Maou-sama!, I thought this was the direction the anime was headed towards. I was wrong.

Here we have Devil King Satan roleplaying as Sadao Maou.

Here we have Devil King Satan roleplaying as fast food employee Sadao Maou.

One reason this show stands out from so many others is that the lead character, Sadao Maou (aka Demon Lord Satan),  is a member of the lower working class. He may have been a big wig in the world of magic, but here in ours, he is just another powerless human without a high school diploma. The moments I derive the most delight from this show is when nothing is happening. Imagine, a great and powerful demon lord, donning a MgRonald’s uniform to take our order of burgers and fries! The sheer dichotomy between the parallel worlds is enough to make me laugh.

Here we have the hero Emilia.

Here we have the hero Emilia, roleplaying as docodemo support, Yusa Emi.

By this point the show was already adequate, but the real clincher came a few weeks later while I was cleaning my house. I stumbled upon an old D10 die from my pen and paper roleplaying days and then Hataraku Maou-sama! became instant gold. Think about it: Let us suppose the fantasy backdrop that serves as the prop for this series isn’t real. Outside of the main characters, no one in the anime knows about the existence of the other world Ente Isla. The conflict and war from that universe has no influence on our own. For the most part, whenever something supernatural does occur in the show,  the memories are either erased or the event is adapted into something familiar or plausible. Imagine how many natural disasters on the news we take with a grain of salt. This anime could be happening in our own backyard and we would never be the wiser. Since nobody remembers at all, it would be logical to conclude nothing happened. In which case, the fact that these characters are still living out their fantasy roles while continuing their dull daily duties as working-class citizens can only mean one thing: Everyone in this show is a LARPER!

Here we have one of Satan's demon generals, Alciel roleplaying poverty.

Here we have one of Satan’s demon generals, Alciel roleplaying poverty.

Live Action Role Playing, usually shorthanded to LARPing, has a negative connotation associated with it. Easily because it’s the single most disturbing thing I’ve ever witnessed. I don’t believe it has anything to do with the action itself necessarily, but the fact some choice individuals take the game too far; usually incorporating elements of their fictional character into their real biography. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It doesn’t matter, he’s still an idiot. Essentially, I am watching a show about average every day people acting out fantasies in their free time. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, they actually believe in it. To me, this idealization makes this show a far greater than what the producers intended. For the first time I think I understand why people love to watch crap like Jackass, or America’s Funniest Home Video. It is FUN to laugh at other people make fools of themselves.

Here we have another Demon General, Lucifer, roleplaying a hikikomori.

Here we have another Demon General, Lucifer, roleplaying a hikikomori.

The show itself is still good, even if you don’t agree with my outlook. Sadao Maou proves himself time and again to be a hard working employee who cares for others and has a full grasp on responsibility. Perhaps leadership isn’t strictly inherited through genetics, but rather earned by gaining the respect of your peers… Oh, who am I kidding? You need to be born a badass to be a badass.

Here we have the Chief Inquisitor of the Church's Reformation, Crestia Bell. Showing off her flashy new debit card.

The Chief Inquisitor of the Church’s Reformation, Crestia Bell shows off her flashy new debit card.

It’s hard to tell from these pictures where the fantasy falls in, because there isn’t any. So here’s to high school girls and breasts!

Chiho is so adorable, it hurts when she's in the episode.

Chiho is so adorable, it hurts when she’s in the episode.

I think this shot better emphasizes her dimensions.

I think this shot better emphasizes her dimensions.

 

Author:
• Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

I’m back! Here to bring you the news topics that are relevant!

Sort of…

Within the past month I have endangered the lives of several people including mine, with my precarious driving. Yesterday, I nearly drove two vehicles off the highway by cutting them off abruptly. A week ago, I snuck between two semi’s while traveling more than thirty-five miles over the speed limit. On the local roads which run outside my house, I came within inches of ending the day early for a few kids playing with their tricycles. In the parking lots of supermarkets I have launched my car nearly five feet into the air by leaping off speed bumps like a ramp.

What could have caused my absolute disregard for self-preservation? What momentous event has triggered the reaper to follow in the wake of my excursions through concrete and asphalt?  The only thing that’s changed is that I started listening to Vocaloid again. One song in particular from my past invokes such need for speed, on such an unfathomable level, I can not physically quell it with my silly five-speed Volkswagen. The song in question is of course Little Wings by Caz.

To elaborate, this song was the official theme for the GOODSMILE Racing group and their souped out Miku-Decal Embossed Porsche back in 2010. To win this honor, it had to compete against nearly fifty other entries (Or was that five? I don’t remember.) and was used in one promotional video that I can’t seem to find — and possibly may not actually exist — anywhere on the Interweb.

The important matter is that whenever I hear this song, I am driven to kill myself behind the wheel of my car. The next time I disappear from this blog, that may very well be the reason.

Speaking of recovery, or lack thereof, I proudly admit that I took a year and a half weaning myself off of Hatsune Miku. I have not spent a single dime on that turquoise-haired goblin. I hope to keep it this way. more…

Author:
• Saturday, February 09th, 2013

Every anime season comes accompanied with a competitive sport. Last season, animation studio Madhouse stepped up to take on the challenge with a card game played exclusively in Japan. I don’t mean Yu-Gi-Oh; I’m talking about Karuta.

Karuta is a game where the goal is to choose out of an array of fifty cards the second verse of a poem being read. The first to touch the card gains possession. But unlike Magic: The Gathering, the first to diminish his twenty-five cards wins the game. The concept is hard for many to take seriously, especially me, but like many sports before, once it is animated it takes on a new level of astringent discipline which is hard for anyone, especially me, to ignore.

Chihayafuru follows high schooler Ayase Chihaya, who dreams of one day becoming the Queen of Karuta. Considering the subject matter, it does  not seem like there would be many obstacles. However, with each episode the viewers are exposed to Chihaya’s weakness and shortcomings; and over the course of the series the viewers must watch as she works hard to improve and overcome. I don’t feel like explaining more of the story, since that would be completely pointless. Why waste time reading a blog when you can just watch it yourself? more…

Author:
• Friday, January 25th, 2013
Where do you think you're going? This ain't over.

Where do you think you’re going? This ain’t over.

This anime ended at episode 12. Yet it is still airing…

Many a people suggested this anime to me, based on two facts. One, they know nothing about me. Two, they assume I love eating shit. Now that we are done with the pleasantries, I can review this series more objectively.

Another healthy Saturday morning...

Another healthy Saturday morning…

Sakura dormitory is an aging building where the outcasts of high school are incarcerated, simply because they are too gifted for their own good. Our protagonist, Sorata, is not one of those gifted students. Sorata found himself under the roof of the Sakura dormitory when he discovered a bleeding vagina where his heart should be. This self-righteous little dick decided to pick up stray cats and feed them. Rule number one when dealing with stray animals is to NOT FEED them. As expected, he grows attached to the little pussies and is eventually evicted from the main dormitory. The only place that would allow these little flea magnets to run amok and breed is the asylum known to all the student body, the Sakura Dormitory.

This only makes sense if you watch this crap.

This only makes sense if you watch this crap.

Most of the running gags in this anime involve a standard slapstick called Tsukkomi and Boke. The intricate art involved in this Japanese-favored comedic routine requires detailed explanation and fine examples. I don’t have time for that, so I will apply minimal effort and butcher it as best I can. The “idiot” or “boke” will make a retarded statement, and the “fall guy” or “tsukkomi” will make a hilarious reaction along the lines of, “WHAT!?”

It’s… … … … actually not that creative.

Silly kid! Pumpkin panties are for toddlers!

Silly kid! Pumpkin panties are for toddlers!

So like I do with most sub-par anime, I became deeply engrossed and established high school social links with these fictional characters. I had a smile on my face at the end of the series, when everyone comes to terms with their own feelings. Yet the strangest thing happened two weeks later: Episode 13 came out. At first I was confused, since the beginning of the episode seemed to be a direct continuation of the story; but as it turns out everyone is suffering from a contagious form of amnesia. Nothing had changed to reflect the revelations of the past episode. No new relationships were spawned, no form of progress had developed, and the story had rescinded to an earlier part in the series where Sorata was still dealing with his own inadequacy and suffering from extensive jealousy towards the residents of the Sakura Dormitory.

I thought I had watched the episodes out of order, but I was wrong. This aggravating episode of pre-teen adolescence was the sequel to what I had assumed was character growth and self-discovery. My best guess is that someone out there is profiting by keeping this shit going. (Imagine that!)  I was starting to like Sorata by episode 12, but episode 13 reverted him back to the unlikable little dipshit that I always knew he was. As usual, without rhyme or reason, two hot girls are in love with the talentless little dunce. The only respectable male in this show — in my humble opinion — is Akasaka Ryuunosuke, who understands the dangers of unprotected sex and refuses the advances of slutty British hoes.

May all you boys grow up to be just like him!

May all you boys grow up to be just like him!

Today’s Lesson: If you want to be popular with the ladies, be an irresponsible deadbeat.