Save yourself some time. This picture explains all you need to know.

So the television run of Black Rock Shooter left me depressed. Since you all know me by now, I’m not talking about the preteen drama.

It had a flimsy story revolving around melodramatic metaphors which occasionally incorporate elements of huke’s artworks. The end result for the most part, failed horribly to provoke any sympathy from my cold dead heart. I have to admit that for an anime designed to capitalize on a niche audience, it was strangely watchable. However, since the “plot” primarily consists of middle school girls exaggerating on the pain of living, much like a Linkin Park song, it’s no surprise the anime is only eight episodes and very difficult to get into.

And what was with the teacher trying to instigate a fight between Deadmaster and Black Rock Shooter? Why did she interfere during the fight with Chariot? Why did she have to go and ruin her students’ lives? Why why why? Everyone would have gone about their days like nothing mattered if she hadn’t butted in. Then she ends up paying for it in the end; but nobody has any harsh words for her. They all smile and become the the best of friends like an episode of Care Bear.

Seriously, fuck that.

They told me they were 17!

It probably wouldn’t appear to be so to many people, but Petite Princess Yucie deals with quite a bit of psychological analysis. What else do we expect from Gainax? Of course, the pedophilic content was tantalizing, but underneath that sweet sweet succulent surface is a fairly complex mesh of relationships that could very well send Carl Jung looking for phallic symbols to smoke.

First is Yucie. Our token heroine, who is unique as she lacks the beorgois attitude that seems to plague all the other girls with proper upbringing. The only exception would be Cocoloo, but she’s got issues of her own. As many of you know, Yucie was raised in the countryside by a single father, a former knight, who’s protective nature burdens our young heroine with a sense of duty and initiative. With no mother figure to compete against for her father’s love, she ultimately finds no attraction to the womenly arts like sewing, magic and tea parties. During her princess training, her only skills involve physical labor. Her first love interest: The prince, Arc. A warrior like her father.

Next is Glenda. She is the demon princess, and a skilled magic-user. In her case, the role of father and mother had been reversed. Her father, the demon king, is pathetically sensitive and unmanly. During her upbringing, her mom has always worn the pants in the relationship. Glenda ultimately comes to respect her mom, who has become not only her role model but the first hurdle in winning the monopoly on her father’s affection. To catch up to her mother she always erects a tough front and tries very hard to impress, which leads to hilarious antics and ends poorly in her favor. Deep down inside, she knows this is her weakness, but she will never admit it, lest it be known that she takes after her father. Her first love interest: The frog prince. A frail girly man.

Elmina of the Celestial Realm has spent her entire life ‘being’ the best, because anything less than perfection would seemingly disgrace her old and stern father. Watching Yucie’s father being proud of his daughter for just ‘trying’ her best shatters the walls of strictness that she imposes upon herself. A bit of reality check is late in coming; but eventually helps her stand up to the source of her depreciating self-worth: her father. Her first love interest: The old and stern Lord of Rockwell Manor. He even comes with white hair and a beard, like her… father. Noticing something?

Cocoloo had a strange life. She is from the ghost realm, so she tends to see and talk to things that aren’t there. As transparent as this will sound, Cocoloo tries not to stand out in crowds much like a ghost. She’s come to develop a shy and introverted personality from her quiet nature. Her first love interest: Yucie, the only girl outside of the ghost realm to acknowledge her, whereas she would be a passing shadow to others.

Beth joined the show late and therefore has little character development. It’s pretty clear that she’s distrustful of others, close-minded, and possesses a self-destructive personality. She sports a lone-wolf behavior most of the time, and only reveals bits of emotions when she’s with her love interest: Cocoloo — she is the only character in the show who can quietly listen to someone. Yes, Beth is a hippie with anger issues. Her father’s a tree for God’s sake.

You can tell they put a lot of thought into each character’s background and resultant personality traits. So what are you waiting for, I advice you buy it today.

Okay, so I’ve been watchi– correction, trying to watch this crap called Another. It’s basically about some little boy whose lung collapsed and made him miss out on the first two months of high school life in a new town. When he finally makes it there, he realizes that everyone is dumb as shit, and hiding a secret. In fact, for the first six episodes the protagonist is incessantly reminded by another individual member of the student body that they know a secret and can not tell him. If I was him, I’d just beat up the nearest grade school kid, since everyone in the stupid town knows more than he does. Or maybe spend more time trying to get into the pants of his hot aunt. In any case…

At school he meets a one-eyed girl who actually doesn’t exist, but probably does thanks to the countless mish mash of ideas that they threw into this anime. She constantly tells him to bugger off, but he doesn’t listen because he’s a nosy little bastard that likes his girls to be strange and broken. So of course, after all the useless painful plot devices are slowly introduced, the series finally took a turn for the better, resulting in bloody death scenes that make the pain of watching the series almost worth it.

I don’t suggest this series to anyone. Therefore, you’ll probably watch it.

Don't try this at home.

Papa no iukoto wo kikinasai is basically an Usagi Drop knockoff marketing scheme which sports cute and delightfully-underage heroines to sell copies of its light novels, comic and recently an anime. If you have ever seen Usagi Drop, then you may skip the first three episodes of this series. I forgot the protagonist’s name even though I’ve watched seven episodes, but that’s completely fine because now I can project myself into his role. He’s basically a male version of that Twilight Chick, a hollow empty shell of a person that can easily be cut out of the picture to be replaced by yours truly.

The story basically goes like this: Guy’s older sister is married to a man with two children. She bears him a third. Then they go on vacation to Hawaii but accidentally use Korean Air thus sealing their fate. Somehow, these three girls all have different moms, and the relatives are trying to split them up by determining who is related to who. Now, during the emotional scene that accompanies all that gibberish I was just trying to work out in my head why the sister would marry a man who clearly can’t keep a wife; but I guess it’s more realistic this way.

So the creators, in an effort to do away with the old saying, “all the eggs in one basket,” decide to fill out the rest of the character rosters with well-endowed females to try appealing to both worlds. The result is… uncertain.

The resident pedophile of the series, and main love interest.

The Next Door Neighbor, and Voice Actress.

The protagonist’s main love interest, Raika-something, is clearly a pedophile. However, because she’s hot and female, this is somewhat socially acceptable.

She's perfect in every way, except for the molestation charges...

So far, everyone’s been very helpful and cheerful. However, this is anime, and without drama it would just be another Nickolodeon show. So now they’ve introduced the well-endowed Landlady Bitch. I’m sure some of these characters have names, but I stopped paying attention. She basically claims the dude breached his contract by moving his nieces into his one-room apartment. If I had continued to live out of my parent’s garage, then I would consider her to be a bitch, but I’ve been moving around for five years now, and I can tell you that the protagonist was completely in the wrong. Her argument is sound, so I wish her luck in evicting his shady ass.

Get the fuck out of my apartment!

Otherwise known as Bodacious Space Pirates, though I can only see two space pirates with any bodacious body parts, though I guess they’re not referring to the Oxford definition in this case.

First off, this anime has the worst opening theme I have heard in anime since 2002. Not only can the girls not sing, but the beat is off and highly grating. Whoever did the mastering on that track needs to be shot. I actually turned off the episode three times on three different attempts due to that opening theme before I finally steeled myself and fast-forwarded through the chapter-less episode. It is really a pity because the anime is actually not that bad. Apparently it was sung by some girl band that sucks at everything from dancing to singing.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUoy582ePlQ[/youtube] Some of the world’s worst music comes from Japan.

Bodacious Space Pirates follows the life of high school girl, Katou Marika, who has inherited a legal pirate ship. As with most anime of this genre, she’s the last to learn of this and subsequently finds out two episodes later after everyone else, including the viewers has figured it out for themselves. As a matter of fact, several episodes later, Marika finds out everyone and their uncle, even the supporting characters who actually contribute nothing to the series, knows about her big secret. Big surprise.

Overall, I like space themed shows, and I like pirates, so this show has at least two things going for it. Once I figure out how madVR works, I might even have pictures.

I hate this girl's voice actress.

Pirate ships recruit out of high school, like the NBA and Boeing.

It seems like I’m forgetting someone… ah well, doesn’t matter.

I seem to be the only one who likes Aki Sora.

I mean, sure the story went from sappy drama about forbidden love to full-blown orgies in the course of six chapters; and trust me, I was angry at how shitty the story became. Then I noticed a bulge in my pants and realized that not all anime and manga need to be good to be enjoyable. Of course, some crappy anime receive more popularity than it deserves, and that really grinds my gears, but that’s my disappointment with anime fans in general and doesn’t lie strictly with the anime.

I seem to have gone off topic. Oh yes, I masturbated to Aki Sora out of pure frustration and came to enjoy the series for its aesthetics, and how it indulges my more primal urges. After all, isn’t incest really just about getting your rocks off in Japan? My only complaint with the Aki Sora anime was that it sucked, and not in the good way. It seemed to focus too much on the boring slice-of-life bits rather than the sticky wet sex that usually accompanies Itosugi Masahiro’s artworks. I remember stroking my member to one particular chapter where Nami rapes Sora (No, I did not mix up the names) and as I climaxed I could actually feel the sorrow and regret emanating from the tears on Nami’s cum-soaked face. The sequence of events leading up to that heart-wrenching scene was a path convoluted with extraneous amounts of sex and semen, but it worked.

The ends justify the means, and since Aki Sora managed to figure out a way to pair-up the two I absolutely needed to join hips, and in a manner that wasn’t completely a waste of time, I have to give Aki Sora props. I don’t give a lot of crappy manga props, but Aki Sora deserves it. At the heart of the matter, Aki Sora is delivering fap material to young teenage boys across the globe with a story that doesn’t involve magical pixie dust that make dicks taste like candy. Very few titles can pull that off in a tasteful manner. So without further ado, I’d like to applaud Itosugi Masahiro on his most excellent Aki Sora.

Wait, what are those flesh-colored things on her chest? o.o

Japanese Lesson of the day: kinshin soukan (????) – incest

If you’re not doing it, then you’re a horrible father.