There are several tried and proven methods to enlarging that ephemeral deity known as the e-penis; and fortunately for the young rascals in all of you, I will share with you pointers from my personal experience.

1. Find a hobby. Preferrably one that nobody who speaks your regional language knows about. I myself have a good old time just browsing through video sites like NicoNico Douga and sharing it with my normal friends who only know of YouTube. I also play some game called “Go”, watch anime, and spend hours discovering new applications for my FleshLight.
2. Play StarCraft II. You do not need to be good at this game to be ranked amongst the top players; nor do you really need to play the game. Buy the game, then go directly to multiplayer mode. Skip the practice league and lose the first five games for your league placement. You are guaranteed to end up with poor saps who actually do suck at games. I’ve been ranked first for the past month now.
3. Start an online blog. It’s helpful if you criticize females incessantly, but not absolutely necessary; though if the latter is your deal you may want to write up as many things involving rape and porn as possible. Thanks to aggregate websites and Google, your hit counter will eventually go up from search queries for furry tentacle loving pet owners.
4. Get an education. It helps if you do not write as you speak. It also helps if you pretend to be  a man. Males are more sought out than females simply because females can not be taken seriously.
5. Find a niche. Popularity is like the hole in a donut. It craves to be filled, and more than once tends to be occupied with whatever weird-ass shit you’re into at the moment. Sooner is better than later, but good things come to those who wait. Once again, the Internet will handle the hard part.
6. Include profanity. Lots of it. Cussing is not the  indolent and uncouth lexicon of plebeians as my 11th grade English teacher made it out to be. If used correctly, a simple ‘fuck’ provides more entertainment with one utterance than a portfolio full of Undergrad Art students.
7. Hate someone or something. Better yet, hate yourself. Hating is like giving the world a key to your heart, and the world is full of nosy gnomes who want front row seats to the burning cross on your lawn. Remember, nobody gets hurt because it is the Internet.

Sometimes I wonder why nobody cares about me.

I just remembered that manglobe is also animating the only other series I keep up with: Kami Nomizo Shiru Sekai.

Now, unlike SoreMachi, KamiNomi is pretty damn popular, so I’m assuming this series needs no introduction. On the other hand, if you’ve been living under a rock, you can always ask questions on the thread that someone (cough*me*) made. Be careful, I don’t hide spoilers.

I really have nothing to say about it… except that I hope manglobe doesn’t screw this up.

I’m a bit behind the times; no thanks to StarCraft II. Goddamn, I feel ashamed.

In any case, I just found out that Soredemo Machi wa Mawatteiru, or SoreMachi for short, is getting animated. By manglobe of all people. That almost sounds like a bad thing, since the only anime I liked from them is… well, I can’t remember liking anything from them.

Cafe Seaside’s site doesn’t seem to have anything right now, except three guys comparing waist sizes. To be honest, I didn’t even think SoreMachi was all that popular. After all, aside from me I don’t know anyone who reads it. But geez, now it’s even featured on the front page of TBS’s Anime FESTA! So the discontinued project that I never got around to continuing will hopefully get picked up by a far better (and more active) translator…

I’d suggest buying the manga, if only just to enlarge your penis length.

Just reposting the image, should TBS take it down.

Seikimatsu Occult Gakuin is one of only a few titles I deem worth watching this month. Correction, it’s one of only two titles I deem worth watching this month.

Yes, that shadow is what you think it is.

The other of course is Sekirei. But not for any logical reasons I can think of.

Nobody even remembers this poor sap's name.

Unfortunately Seikimatsu Occult Gakuin rips most of its comedy from Sam Raimi, and like most Japanese anime features a near-useless male lead. This would be tolerable if he had any redeeming features or hidden cards he has yet to play. However, it becomes dreadfully obvious that he has dealt everything he has to offer in the first five minutes of the second episode. And with no hint of romantic closure in the works between the two main protagonists, I believe it’s safe to say that this series will continue to be a disappointing ride through hell for just about all of us.

At least we get to see the broad naked.

Or will it? I’m willing to bet my pair of undergarments on this dark horse to revitalize whatever it had going for it in the first episode and pull into the finish with a satisfying second place. With the current lineup as it is, I don’t think of it as a longshot…

On a completely separate train of thought… what the new season of Sekirei taught me is that hanging around a sekirei long enough will force said sekirei to change gender to more suit your taste. Yea right, hitting puberty that late?

It seems the wheels of fate has tossed dog shit into my worldly fan once again…

To cut things short, and with far less emphasis on the metaphysical: I like a series called Kaichou wa Maid-sama!, but apparently watching it makes me a homosexual.

Kaichou wa Maid-sama! is about a giant prude named Misaki, or some other common household name, who has an undying hate for what I can only describe as a “trouser snake”. Of course, with an archetypal character flaw as point blank as that, you can already guess that she tends to be overly zealous when it comes to suppressing male adolescence, and with breaking glass ceilings wherever it may rear its translucent surface. Through sheer willpower (and her Aikido skills aka. fear propaganda) she acquires the right to become Seika High’s first female Student Council President. Since the girl to boy ratio is somewhere around 1:100 she feels it’s her duty to protect anything and everyone with a vagina. But wait, here’s the catch: She actually part-times as a maid at a cafe in a neighboring town. Uh oh! I almost didn’t see that one coming! How do these two seemingly conflicting perspectives of our heroine coincide? Well, finding that out is supposed to be the meat of the show.

Now reading this one would usually think, “All right! Maids! Martial-Artist Girl! Moe~!” or whatever you fake otakus like to shout in the aisles of Borders when I’m trying to enjoy my coffee and Blade of the Immortal… but here’s the downside to this, and the source of my personal anguish:

See all those flowers floating around?

It’s a fucking shoujo series.

It’s not particularly a good shoujo series that is enjoyable for both genders like NANA or Ouran High School Host Club. Rather, it’s one of those typical shoujos with a “strong” masculine heroine who can’t do anything when it matters, and needs a hot dominant man (with a sensitive side) to come rescue her in the nick of time. Let me reiterate that, a fine hot smart dominant perfect-in-every-way-just-short-of-God specimen of a man (with a sensitive side). Is there anything he can’t do? I have yet to see it, and the stupid broad falls for it. So this once again reaffirms the scientific truth that men who are not born into a rich family with the right genetic superiority must resign themselves to bedding a side character.

Bitch hides lead in her tray.

I enjoy the cute moments, and the comedic moments. But it gets really annoying to see the female lead go every episode with just one foot out of the guy’s pants. I thought she was supposed to be a feminist, but it turns out she’s just a normal girl who enjoys being dominated teased.

The little sister needs to go to acting class.

But yes, I like this series, despite all its obvious flaws. And for that, I question my sexuality.

Another year passed, and before I knew it, it was upon us again. That special time of the year where men across America put down that bottle of whiskey, and moderate the spankings to just twice-a-day. When the height of one’s lawn grass actually holds influence. The one day where everyone can feel safe that they made the right choice in refusing to pay for abortion fees. A day almost as momentous as Groundhog’s Day, but not as significant. Yes, it’s Father’s Day. more…