Just where is the love?

It’s time for a paradigm shift. There’s just too much negative energy going around, and I think it’s about time I change my stance. I am going to stop hating anime. It’s just so easy to bash a series on pure conjectures rather than defend a worthless anime on its positive aspects. I admit I fell victim to this lazy writing style before I even realized it, and now all my posts are just so full of hate. I used to be the guy who couldn’t give an anime a thumbs down. Now I hate series based on the color of underwear I am wearing that day.

Pink with polka dots? Clearly not worth my time.

I remember a time when I was just a wee lad arguing with my friends about which Shonen Jump series was the best anime ever made. Ah, those were the times… I used to have this belief that no matter how boring or ridiculous an anime is, I would watch it to the end regardless of personal feelings or opinions. The only justification for this tremendous waste of time was to conclude that whatever I had just seen must be the greatest anime ever made. This made things complicated, because I was forced to do research and assign blame to individual members of the production staff for each minutia of detail that reduced the release from its potential perfect score. Then I compiled a list of its pros to reinforce my conviction on why it was a great anime. From there, I would head to school the next morning, armed with my wealth of useless knowledge to do battle with my potential opponents in the area behind the school reserved for the bottom rungs of high school social strata.

Objection!

One anime changed all this: Azumanga Daioh.

Watch this by yourself in a closet.

Azumanga Daioh, in all objectiveness, is a work of art. The animation is superb for a series made up of short minimalist characters. The setting was at the time a rarity: short skits and situation comedy. The gags are original and highly cultured, setting a precedence which many series imitate to this day. The voice actors fit their individual characters to a tee. The staff was full of fresh progressive individuals full of energy and enthusiasm, bringing ideas to the table which many anime still exploit. But for the life of me, I just can’t like this anime, and I have no fucking clue why.

Unfortunately, I haven’t learned my lesson, so rather than review anime calmly and neutrally, I will begin to do the complete opposite of what I have done so far. I will treat every anime as they were meant to be treated: with absolute ardor. I intend to become a weeaboo, and love everything I watch, regardless of how much I hate it. All my articles hereon will be from the other side of the fence. Ciao.

There are several tried and proven methods to enlarging that ephemeral deity known as the e-penis; and fortunately for the young rascals in all of you, I will share with you pointers from my personal experience.

1. Find a hobby. Preferrably one that nobody who speaks your regional language knows about. I myself have a good old time just browsing through video sites like NicoNico Douga and sharing it with my normal friends who only know of YouTube. I also play some game called “Go”, watch anime, and spend hours discovering new applications for my FleshLight.
2. Play StarCraft II. You do not need to be good at this game to be ranked amongst the top players; nor do you really need to play the game. Buy the game, then go directly to multiplayer mode. Skip the practice league and lose the first five games for your league placement. You are guaranteed to end up with poor saps who actually do suck at games. I’ve been ranked first for the past month now.
3. Start an online blog. It’s helpful if you criticize females incessantly, but not absolutely necessary; though if the latter is your deal you may want to write up as many things involving rape and porn as possible. Thanks to aggregate websites and Google, your hit counter will eventually go up from search queries for furry tentacle loving pet owners.
4. Get an education. It helps if you do not write as you speak. It also helps if you pretend to be  a man. Males are more sought out than females simply because females can not be taken seriously.
5. Find a niche. Popularity is like the hole in a donut. It craves to be filled, and more than once tends to be occupied with whatever weird-ass shit you’re into at the moment. Sooner is better than later, but good things come to those who wait. Once again, the Internet will handle the hard part.
6. Include profanity. Lots of it. Cussing is not the  indolent and uncouth lexicon of plebeians as my 11th grade English teacher made it out to be. If used correctly, a simple ‘fuck’ provides more entertainment with one utterance than a portfolio full of Undergrad Art students.
7. Hate someone or something. Better yet, hate yourself. Hating is like giving the world a key to your heart, and the world is full of nosy gnomes who want front row seats to the burning cross on your lawn. Remember, nobody gets hurt because it is the Internet.

Sometimes I wonder why nobody cares about me.