I know it’s strange coming from someone like me, who is obsessed with incest, rape and mind-break; and on more than one occasion involving all three. One would assume I would be the last person to denounce homosexuality, since I’m not a moral conservative in any fashion. But I don’t express my distaste for same-gender snake eating on any religious basis; I think that homosexuality is boring.

Let me take this down a notch and explain. Lesbians and gays in anime primarily consist of the empty pipe dreams that make up the minds of naive little boys and dirty fangirls  on Saturday nights. They don’t serve a purpose other than to provide groundwork for boring homosexual doujins. With that being said, in small doses homosexuality has the potential to complement the anime without poisoning the water supply.

Let’s look at the series I enjoy featuring homosexuals:

Saki

Lesbian sex is the most boring two and a half hours of petting I will never get back.

While the majority of the cast are lesbians, or discovering their lesbian potential; the actual show is about mahjong. The episodes were not stuffed full of boring scenes of lesbians fondling each other’s breasts and talking about feelings. Instead it focused on an underdog high school mahjong team aiming for the gold in a prefectural tournament against other lesbians with special mahjong powers and skillz (with a ‘z’). I think just about anyone can learn to appreciate a series packed with trials and tribulations. I started playing Reach Mahjong after watching Saki, but soon quit when I realized the tiles do not shoot out elemental powers or psychic energies. I felt like a Naruto fanboy practicing hand jutsus in the backyard.

Shinryaku Ika Musume

Sanae is a great character concept. While her intention towards Ika Musume come off as perverse and her motives are far from pure, she does possess a skewed sense of self-control that limits her activities to just barely being in rape-reach of Ika Musume. Furthermore, Sanae’s character development was top-notch for a gag comedy, and is unchallenged by the rest of the cast. The concern she expresses for Ika Musume in Season 2 Episode 8 shows that jokes aside, she earnestly cares for the well-being of Ika-Musume. Besides, her lust doesn’t stem from looks alone, but the associated tentacle whipping, choking and fin-slapping. She is not a major character, and I don’t know why I included this in the list.

Natsume Yuujinchou

There is no contention that Natsume Takashi is so desperate for friends that he has no qualms with sexing males, females or youkai. I still love this show, because it weaves thoughtful slice-of-life and supernatural into a heartwarming story that makes my balls curl. At no point did it cross my mind that Natsume would look adorable being boned; but if it ever happened, I would be very receptive of the idea because it would more than likely be presented in a soothing manner and be a major turning point in the plot. This show is not gay… at least not blatantly.

Nevermind...

Kannazuki no Miko

This show is not about lesbian shrine maidens as every DVD cover seems to portray. This show is about magical robots and ass-kicking. The first ten episodes didn’t even have any lesbian bits except for the boring scenes of the blue-haired girl crying in her room because she doesn’t have a dick, thereby missing out on all the fun of raping her best friend. She later solves this crisis using a flute in the manga.

Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito

This is a surreal project that covers every aspect of the human psyche. To simply call it a lesbian anime would be an understatement. It’s got incest, rape, murder, betrayal and trains! Watch three episodes and be mesmerized. Watch four episodes and fish your brain out of the aquarium that will soon occupy your reality.

But now that I think about it… there are not many series with homosexuals that do not suck.