[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edE90HdS3wY[/youtube]

So I was browsing through my Android Market Google Play after a heavy Friday night of drinking Hawaiian Punch and eating a pound of Jack Link’s, when I stumbled upon this marvel of modern visual culture. It’s primary purpose is to be an interactive clock. It’s secondary purpose is to provide lonely otaku worldwide with the warmth and love that only the battery from a Smartphone could provide. Amused, I spent a hour tapping her breasts to hear her disapprove with that that cute pouty tone reminiscent of so many imaginary girlfriends from the past. It then occured to me there were alternate costumes, so even more money was lost to the pursuit of decorating this graphic barmaid.

The “Camera” tool superimposes this virtual slut into every shot.

To make things more complicated, there’s an “Impression” button which displays a white heart and a smaller heart within that grows bigger as she falls in love with you. Of course, to make her love you, the user has to do all the things that normal women usually expect: buy her gifts. Over time the heart meter starts to diminish so you have to constantly buy her fake virtual gifts from D3P’s market to ensure she stays happy. Also, like a real girl, you can get her drunk by buying her fake martinis (2$) and also by running your thumb across her cheeks (free). Strange, I know.

Seeing as how this is an application, one would think that all the yen in this game is fake, but unfortunately, it’s real. And with the exchange rate being in the current state, I will admit to having lost more than 25$USD during my brief time with Amane.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZg30Dur5lM[/youtube]

So everyone that matters, that is to say, you the fans… has been tearing up for that sappy story in episode 20. Well, I have to agree the direction was remarkable, with the right buildup for Chihaya’s return to singing. But the script was lazy and boring.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0pNQfaEkM8?hd=1[/youtube]

If anything this scene from episode 21, where President Kuroi sabotages 765’s bgm was in my honest opinion the best scene to date; and let’s face it, nearly every scene in iDOLM@STER is amazing.

I can’t believe I just said that about an anime based off a milk-money fanservice franchise. Considering its roots, I guess we should be glad the characters are in color, but this series has already exceeded my expectations to a point where I can no longer remain silent.

Damn it Japan, you win again. Fuck you, idolmaster.

I’m not here to complain about America’s education system; or reacting to yellow-fever-induced Japanophilia.

These past few days, I spent every free hour I have been awarded, to the study and practice of a new breed of Zen. Like a lone leaf hangs on its branch for dear life in a storm, I too fell victim to this addictive pastime that littered the grounds with mortar holes in the battlefield of my mind . I woke up today a changed man, freed of the chains that bind me to this mortal realm such as thirst or hunger. Sleep was no longer an obstacle in my pursuit of enlightenment. And thus, I discovered true ecstasy.

That’s right, I imported Arcana Heart 3.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0qoI2LUR8g[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze9pIL4cFkg[/youtube]

I guess the worst part of all this is that I suck at fighting games. Well, I’ll be playing this until I pee blood. See you guys in a few months, hopefully I’ll still be alive. Which reminds me, I was supposed to review Hyakka Ryouran about two or three months ago… Well, it’s crap. There, I hope I saved you 4 hours of your life you’ll never get back.

There are several tried and proven methods to enlarging that ephemeral deity known as the e-penis; and fortunately for the young rascals in all of you, I will share with you pointers from my personal experience.

1. Find a hobby. Preferrably one that nobody who speaks your regional language knows about. I myself have a good old time just browsing through video sites like NicoNico Douga and sharing it with my normal friends who only know of YouTube. I also play some game called “Go”, watch anime, and spend hours discovering new applications for my FleshLight.
2. Play StarCraft II. You do not need to be good at this game to be ranked amongst the top players; nor do you really need to play the game. Buy the game, then go directly to multiplayer mode. Skip the practice league and lose the first five games for your league placement. You are guaranteed to end up with poor saps who actually do suck at games. I’ve been ranked first for the past month now.
3. Start an online blog. It’s helpful if you criticize females incessantly, but not absolutely necessary; though if the latter is your deal you may want to write up as many things involving rape and porn as possible. Thanks to aggregate websites and Google, your hit counter will eventually go up from search queries for furry tentacle loving pet owners.
4. Get an education. It helps if you do not write as you speak. It also helps if you pretend to be  a man. Males are more sought out than females simply because females can not be taken seriously.
5. Find a niche. Popularity is like the hole in a donut. It craves to be filled, and more than once tends to be occupied with whatever weird-ass shit you’re into at the moment. Sooner is better than later, but good things come to those who wait. Once again, the Internet will handle the hard part.
6. Include profanity. Lots of it. Cussing is not the  indolent and uncouth lexicon of plebeians as my 11th grade English teacher made it out to be. If used correctly, a simple ‘fuck’ provides more entertainment with one utterance than a portfolio full of Undergrad Art students.
7. Hate someone or something. Better yet, hate yourself. Hating is like giving the world a key to your heart, and the world is full of nosy gnomes who want front row seats to the burning cross on your lawn. Remember, nobody gets hurt because it is the Internet.

Sometimes I wonder why nobody cares about me.

It’s 9/9/2009 in the time zone that this is posted and the Sega Dreamcast was released in North America 9/9/1999. The Dreamcast was ahead of other consoles with online play, Internet browser, Internet service provider, modem, powerful hardware, and unique controller. Games ranged from all sorts of genres, inbetweens, and a ton of arcade action. Only failures were Sega’s past and lack of a DVD drive.

Hardware for the Dreamcast is built strong and the machine itself isn’t suppose to be a huge multimedia center with glitches and rings of deaths. The controller fit perfectly into your hand and the analog triggers is great for driving games. You can connect with SNK’s Neo Geo Pocket and games if you had both. Later on Sega allowed online players to play with PC players.

Jet Set Radio – Graffiti roll blading action game which couldn’t be compared to Tony Hawk at the time…since it’s action and not trick based. This game has style and amazing music Guitar Vader, Jurassic 5, and more. Graphics were bright blazing cel shaded which so few game used. The analog stick when in grafficti mode was used to paint on walls, so you had to be fast. Jet Set Radio Future cut that feature for more speedy gameplay. Clearly Air Gear had some inspiration…

Test Drive V-Rally – Another arcade like rally game, but with a map maker and pretty good soundtrack. Of course I took advantage of that and made a map as high and low as possible. Watching the insane pop in is quite amusing.

Skies of Arcadia – At the time this game was meant to be a traditional old school RPG, but given modern treatment. There was a VMU mini-game where you fly your ship, special memorable attacks given at the end, and a large beautiful world where you wouldn’t mind getting lost in. Skies of Arcadia has a very Last Exile feel.

Grandia II – Character story is abundant and so many characters are not as you think they are. Areas are detailed, the game included the sountrack CD, and attacks are outer space massive. Battle system has a real time turn based gameplay with a bar listing next attackers. I stayed up late at night and skipped sleep couple times just to play this game.

Bangai-O – 2D mecha side scroller shooter by Treasure, but you aren’t limited to what direction you want to go in. You have a special attack that send out more bang if there’s more enemy projectiles. The screen can be filled with wonderful circular patterns of what you fired. There’s a newer Nintendo DS version which includes a level creator.

Gundam Side Story 0079: Rise from the Ashes, Red Dog, Evolution, Mars Matrix, and Berserk are great plays. Options are larger if you import games like Ikaruga, Rez, Hundred Swords, Shenmue II, Segagaga, and even an Eva typing game called Neon Genesis Evangelion: Typing Hokan Keikaku. There’s still a few games I wish to play like the first person sword fighting Persona looking Maken X and the supposedly weird arcade shooter Charge ‘N Blast. Project Gotham fans would like Metropolis Street Racer since it’s basically the same game series from the same developers. Kudos system included.

There are still new games coming out every once and a while from indie developers. Most of them are shooters like DUX and Last Hope: Pink Bullets with no region protection. Most games can still be found pretty inexpensive on Ebay and Play-Asia.

Nothing but fond memories of Dreamcast. Happy 10th birthday Dreamcast.

No, this isn't the reason I'm broke. Though I wish it was.

Oh geez, I never thought it would happen to me, but it’s finally happened. I’m broke. My mother needed a large sum of money to pay off her debt and ensure that my two older sisters survive the next month without dying of starvation or alcohol poisoning. So I, being the generous son, gave her the entirety of my savings account. And as if preordained by the cosmos, my car chose this morning to decide to stop running as I made plans to go to the nearest Walmart and stock up on instant ramen for the next six months. So now it’s sitting in the parking lot as a $7,000USD paper weight and I’m stuck without a car for at least a good solid month until my next paycheck. What really bothers me though, is that I was planning on buying a WA-6SE for my meager headphone collection before all this went down. The stark reality that faces me now destroys all hope and optimism that I once held for this world.

As most of you already know, nearly 50% of my paycheck goes towards purchasing anime or manga; but now I will not be able to support the industry from the shadows like I have been doing. No more Kira Kira, no more imported manga, still no game consoles and all I come away with is a broken heart. And thus is the life of a messiah, I presume. Call me paranoid, but I believe this is karma for all the badmouthing I’ve done of Kyo-Ani.