This game was not quite as fun as I anticipated. And before anyone asks, yes, I do suck at the game; but I don’t know if that is just because of my lack of skills or the fact that I only spent three hours total playing the shit. I find it hard to get into, and I feel absolutely no “connection” with any of the characters. The only character I actually like, purely for aesthetic reasons is Shadow Labrys’ persona Asterius, but only because it looks badass moving about in the background like a giant target waiting to be persona broke. Fucking shitty character… In fact, it was so disappointing I decided to dish out some money on my backup plan. That’s right, the game that everyone is afraid to even mention: AquaPazza.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/6cKhRmpGRdk[/youtube]

The name leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Now I know it doesn’t look good at first glance, or even after a hour of gameplay footage. However, I should point out that despite the gimmicky idea of adding characters from different Aquaplus/Leaf games into a horrible crossover (Marvel, anyone?) and giving them a fighting engine and character movesets; the game itself looks pretty solid. It’s not a typical animu fighter, and doesn’t utilize air-dash, and other broken mechanics (partners aside), and the combos aren’t entirely too ridiculous. There are legitimate tactics, footsies, gameplay that seems to be entirely ignored by the majority solely for the fact that it’s an anime fighter. So, here I am to prove them wrong by playing this crap for about a month.

Expect to see a “amagawd, Aquapizza sucks” post come October.

For maybe half the season so far, it’s one naked girl after another. I’m tired of this fake budding romance bullshit in each episode that goes nowhere. I guess since the story’s all over the fucking place, they need to spice things up with young underage cleavage and hairless pits. more…

You know what I can’t stop watching? Why did nobody tell me about this thing?

[youtube width=”560″ height=”315″]http://youtu.be/ySNl3jcpWLI?hd=1[/youtube]

What’s that? There’s a game? Oh, that thing. No, not interested.

I find the Japanese opinions on this video interesting, as it’s entirely contrary to the Americans’. Americans think it is fucking hot. The average Japanese otaku goes, “Ew, old hags. lulz”

Not to mention a majority of Americans can’t take their eyes off the the curves, cleavage and sexy poses. Yet, the Japanese complain about how the outfits look like cheap cosplay pieced together from construction paper.

Oh… silly Japanese.

This is but one reason for the declining birth rate in Japan.

There is one particular genre of anime that I can barely stand… and that’s called reverse harems.

A normal harem consists of a lucky loser with no distinguishing attributes surrounded by beautiful women who all want to be boned. The comedy borne from this tried and trusted one-step formula is golden, and any lack of plot or substance can be excused by simply dissolving the nearest bra.

A reverse harem stars a frigid woman with no interest in penis, surrounded by pretty men who all want to bone each other. The comedy is laughably bad, and the romance edges toward a monogamous end. Clearly, this was not intended for males.

Speed lines compensate for action!

So then why the fuck am I watching Arcana Famiglia?

There is so much fucking penis in this show that there’s not enough time for the anime to explain what everyone’s silly powers are. Oh wait, did I mention that everyone in this show has some sort of silly power? To join the “Arcana Famiglia” one must pledge his loyalty to the head of the family, known as Papa — yes, as stupid as it sounds, that is his title — and receives some sort of power loosely derived from one of the twenty-two Major Arcana of the Tarot. It’s like watching wrestling where everyone has Mick Foley‘s sock on their hand.

This positioning… that tiny glint of incisors… the look of distress in her eyes… is picture perfect.

But the only saving grace is that the heroine Felicita sports a twin-tail hair style and a modest body shape. It also helps that hearing her name makes me think of fellatio. I wonder why?

Touch me.

I was aware of this growing problem for the past two years, but it really hit home for me the moment I went on Amazon to see if any companies managed to license Nanoha THE MOVIE, and release it on BluRay for a reasonable price. I typed “nanoha” in the search query and was blasted in the face with the most atrocious of filth:

Not only are the old Funimation prints of the first two series being sold for nearly 240$, but the only version of the Nanoha movie available for order is the Japanese edition. I understand it comes with “English” subtitles, but now I have to pay extra for importing fees. I could not believe my eyes, so I went to Rightstuf to see just how dilapidated the anime market had become. With the exception of a few titles from Sentai Filmworks, there was hardly any anime that I had considered worth buying available for a reasonable price.

The only anime that caught my eyes from among the shallow cesspool of bullshit, was Fate/Zero published by ANIPLEX. So without thinking, I added it to my shopping cart, in hopes that there might still be redemption for the American market… and gasped at the price. The box set for Fate/Zero turned out to be $370.00 for the first thirteen episodes! I can not remember anyone ever having to pay so much for anime outside of Japan. I asked around online, and it seemed this was the official “English” release… so I punched in my credit card number while rather piqued. All these neat little extras that come with the bundle are great ideas; but releasing only in Japan and charging dirty foreigners extra on importing fees to circumvent money lost through third party distributors is just dirty.

I have dealt with ANIPLEX before, when I made my decision to purchase the Puella Magi Madoka Magica series a while back. The Madoka Magica series was broken into three limited edition sets each going for around 70-80 dollars. The reasoning for the steep price, was due to the BD/DVD combo, Original Soundtrack, illustrated post cards, the cheap non-corrugated box it came in and the fact that I am stupid enough to fall for it. Why release BluRay at all? I understand that I am getting my money’s worth in paying this ridiculously large sum, because these BluRay/DVD combos are not the run-of-the-mill cheap American mastering that I begrudgingly dished out 18-30 dollars per disc to purchase back in the old days. However, most anime watchers are not bright enough to notice a significant drop in quality to cartoons, and I find it ridiculous that there are bluray releases of televised anime series in the first place. I am more understanding of animated full-length movies warranting a bluray release. Once again, only a good handful of people would be able to notice the difference in the first place. But at some point, someone has to point out: it’s just anime.

So while this may sound blasphemous, and wholly counterproductive to the progression of anime in the United States of America:

Mr. Big Publishers, please retrogress the quality of anime, and start releasing them in small clunky DVD compilations encased in cheap plastic for the standard low-wage American audience. This is for the sake of the anime community.

Oh, but they’re not the only sinners. The rest of you better stop streaming anime, get a job and start buying shit. Otherwise, the fate of anime in the United States is doomed. All the best anime will never make it to American shores, and the price will only drop once the company that released them goes bankrupt and disappears. Or in the case of Nanoha (Geneon), cost you $240…

From what did manage to jump the Pacific onto American soil, despite the constant sabotage by you fucking pirates, here are some of the more “decent” titles you may consider buying:

Angel Beats
AnoHana: The Flower We Saw That Day
Eden of the East
Highschool of the Dead
Infinite Stratos
Occult Academy
Arakawa Under the Bridge
Baccano!
Star Driver
Squid Girl
The World God Only Knows
Princess Jellyfish

There are still so many titles I have yet to see make it to America…

Overcoming language barrier is one of the funnier free shows life has to offer, and I am glad to see it faithfully commercialized for a television audience in Tari Tari.

The scriptwriters overextended themselves in reproducing the average Japanese high school student’s English knowledge to include all its grammatical irregularities. I found it so humorous I repeated the episode multiple times just to hear Wakana say, “I don’t money!” in such a serious tone.

I don’t money!

This series is cute and adorable, and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I would highly recommend it to anyone who does not feel bad laughing at a one-armed clown.

I have to admit saying positive things about anime is a foreign concept for me, so I’ll keep things short from hereon. more…